I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
