I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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