that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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