2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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