The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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