TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
