So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
