so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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