The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
