New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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