We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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