so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
