hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
