You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
