I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
