He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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