i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
