too bad you live with your parents still
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
