he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
