I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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