areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
