There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
