Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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