The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
