Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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