uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
