i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
