I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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