I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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