R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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