hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
