What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm having to shit out rocks
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