butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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