I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
