if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My cat gives me a boner
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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