I heard we made out
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
