i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
