I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
