Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
