you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
pray to the hookup gods
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
