I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
