Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
