Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
