How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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