I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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