i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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