I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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