and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
