Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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