True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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