I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
