There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
